She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
