I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
