my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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