I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
