she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
