thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
