I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
