Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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