I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
