I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
