Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
