I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
