She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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