So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
