My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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