I must be too annoying 4 u.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
