I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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