Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
