I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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