Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We talked him into tasing himself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
