I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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