I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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