I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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