This girl is more easily done than said...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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