Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
