We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
