the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
