he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
