he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
