Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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