it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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