Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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