So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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