My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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