shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
soo... how was my night?
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