fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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