We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
