I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
