You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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