Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
