He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
