allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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