No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
