Girls should come with a carfax report
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This is classic penis vs brain.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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