Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
