My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got inside last night via doggy door
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
