I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
