I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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