does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
