Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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