He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
