I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
