Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
