do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
